Love Pushes Through

             

I invite you to peer through a tiny and incomplete crack in the window of my life in hopes that you can relate to some piece of it that can help you along your journey... Becoming a mom is the biggest and best identity change I have ever been through.  I look back at my former selves at key turning points in my life: The day I became a teenager, the day I moved out, the day I graduated college and embarked on the "real world", the day I became someones girlfriend and the day I became that same someones wife, the day I started a career, and the day I turned 30.  All of these events shifted my identity in some dramatic way, but nothing has changed me more than having a child.  I think it's true for most women, if I can so graciously speak for the majority... if you truly embrace motherhood and every change that comes with it, your life and the world around you will never be the same in the most beautiful way!
                It's absolutely true that no other woman can describe to you what kind of impact your birth will have on you.  That I imagine is different for each individual, but one thing is true: birth is powerful in every way, and no matter how spiritual you are, birth is very spiritual.  If you ever need  a perspective change look no further than child birth because every paradigm in your life can and will shift.  All that being said I don't expect to be my former self, but rather a better, truer and more tired version of me.  My ear to hear what the Lord is saying seems so much louder now.  Perhaps it's because I'm hearing for two; I'm in charge of the well-being of another person.  Or perhaps it's because I need direction and wisdom now more than ever since I feel so helpless having experienced something so wonderful.  My need for the Lord has expanded times two and my reliance on Him is a must for the survival of everyday motherhood.  Ever heard of the saying, "take it one day at a time?" Well, I've since revised that to one hour at a time and yesterday I further revised it to a half an hour at a time.  And sometimes with a new baby you live minute to minute or even when they're falling asleep it's one breath to the next and that space in between where you hold your breath and pray, "Lord just keep her asleep so I can sleep!"
             But isn't that how life should be lived...so fully alive within the span of one day that you can almost recall each minute of it...yet at the same time your day was so long that you can barely remember this morning because it feels like last year.  A child or some other monumental event can shock you in to this reality, but a life lived in this manner is available to those who seek it out.
         A word on the pain of child birth and the pain of life.  One thing I quoted often to Zac throughout my pregnancy from a book I read was this saying, "the only way out is through."  I was reminding myself that the only way out for my baby was through my body.  That seems basic, logical and natural enough...so why would you need to quote something that is going to happen whether you like it or not?  I guess it depends on what you personally have to push through.  When you push a baby through your body what happens in the process is pain, excitement, mystery, so then then the only way out is through whatever you are feeling.  When we're talking about the pain of our past...the only way out is through.  You must face those pains and push through them until a new you is born...one that is rid of all those wounds.  If you stay in the pain or you hold onto your wounds then that is where you will remain forever, and it will hurt worse and worse and worse.  You may choose to numb it or go around it or avoid it altogether, but there you will remain.  Once you finally push through, something beautiful is born.  It is a glorious and awe-filled moment for you and for everyone rooting you on, but guess what?  You're going to have to recover from all that pushing through the pain, but I assure you when you finally do, you will take on the face of a new identity...in child birth it's called motherhood, in life it's called freedom.
            I share this analogy because I have known people for many years and they've never pushed through all their pain or past hurts.  I've seen them remain there, and their hearts have gotten further broken while their eyes have grown dim and their hopes forgotten.  They try to cover them up with the newest this or that.  They try to fake it with a smile or a laugh, but if you're really looking you can see through all their masks.  Some don't hide it at all, their hurt and pain is on public display and it puts on a grand show every weekend.  Some just settle for the chip on their shoulder and some have actually lied themselves into believing it's gone.  The pain within us all is a serous issue that needs to be faced, dealt with and pushed through.  But let me tell you how I pushed my baby out...I was holding tightly both of the hands of the man I love.  He told me I was marvelous, he told me I was perfect.  He looked me in the eyes and was there the whole way through.  So you see the way out is through, but it's actually through love.  Love will get you through the pain of life, love will give you the strength and confidence to push through.  I know a man and His name is Love, His name is Jesus, but I've never seen him.  He comes down and shows up in you and her and him and your friend and your family member.  He works through people.  So if you're trying to push through yet you've pushed all the people away in your life that can help you, then you've pushed away love, and you've pushed away the helping hands that will hold you when you need them the most.  God is in community.  God is in the ones we love.  God is here for you.  You're not alone in life and for all those moms out there, you're not alone in motherhood.  You are loved and love always pushes through with you.